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confusion

this few days i feel as if i've split personalities.. a part of me wants me to calm down and accept wat has happened.. another part of me wants me to retaliate when wat i thought really happen in the future.. the last part of me wants to stay in denial...

with my frens i can laugh n joke around probably bcoz i haf no idea how to "诉苦"... i dunno issit my personality or for wateva reasons i just can't... maybe bcoz i'm too headstrong for my own gd.. being emotionally strong is the only thing i could do for myself... if i could survive dad's death nth could beat me down..

i think my 21st bdae yr will nt be a gd one...

n i shall think of how i shld face this...

but one thing makes me happy and that is being with my frens enables me to forget wats happening.. n i like tat...