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behind these hazel eyes - Kelly Clarkson

well.. had no idea how to start the post for today.. juz stuck staring on the keyboard and hitting the backspace key once and again... although my grandma had passes away for more than a month now.. ppl are still missing her very much.. ppl like my cousins and me.. their missing of her made the memories come back..

still remember that the last time she was admitted to CGH because of mild stroke.. i went to visit her right after sch.. due to my crave of chocolate milk tea.. took the bus to east point mall before walking to the hospital.. when i reached there.. overheard my mum saying that grandma can't recognise much ppl.. so she asked her whether she noes who am i, her reply gave me such great relief.. she does recognise me after all.. den seeing me drinking the milk tea.. she asked that if the drink is cold.. and i said yes.. then she said she wan some too, suddenly i felt that i've such adorable grandma..

she once stayed at my hse when i was in sec 3... unlike my grandfather(father's father), i was really comfortable having her staying with us.. as she slept in my room, each morning when i went in to get my stuff.. she would say in teochew: "qiu xue xiao liao ah?".. and i would 4va reply her with my still sleeping voice"uh........" when i came back from sch i would greet her, and when i'm late sometimes she wouls ask y am i so late... she once told me during dinner time that in that afternoon, my father came to "ka jiao" her.. haha.. my naughty dad 4va like to tease my grandma even when he's no longer arnd.. had a gd laugh when she told me that..

many ppl din noe that the first cigarette that i've lighted for someone is for my grandma.. she was weak tat time but that doesn't stop her from her daily dose of tar... she already had a maid tat time but she was busy in the kitchen.. so only left me n her in the living room.. then tats when i've lighted a cigarete for someone...

i think there's a lot of reasons y my cousins are missing her so much.. from the food she prepares for us every weekend to the memories that we had eversince we were born... but i guess grandma doesn't wish that her grandchildren would remember her each time by crying.. i dun mean that we shld celebrate or something but at least miss her in some way tat she could feel at ease...

maybe the way i think is kinda dif.. but i do tear for her.. eversince my dad passed away i told myself to be strong.. it could be hard in the beginning bcoz u can nv stop missing tat person.. eventually u will learn how to handle ur emotions.. i rather my feelings to slave for me than i slave for them so that i've lesser pain.. so let us embrace the future... jia you jia you jia you!!!