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sick and tired of everything..

i'm so sick and tired of everything that is happening, how i wish i would disappear in this world. all those not attenting meetings because of the extra-curriculum activities, delaying the important job because got something on and all those nonsence presented are really killing me. i've got no energy to rebuke, i'm drained out from all those monitoring and admin work.

sometimes, i really feel that there's only 4 persons in the group instead of 5. i seriously could not understand why this is happening, i'm so tired of all this things that i wish i could withdraw myself from the group. however, i know that i couldn't because i have to take my final semester grades into consideration. i don't know how to handle all this so i had decided yesterday that i will be MIA for 1 day. i switched off my phone since yesterday afternoon till today and cut off any means of outside communication. some of you might be wondering why i did not reply ur SMSes or pick up your call, i apologise for that but i really need a clean break from everything for just 1 day.

i'm mentally exhausted fighting myself and against all those things, no motivation exists anymore, what is left is only my hollow body. right now my mindset is "can't be bothered", however there's no such thing as can't be bothered for everything. what has to be done still must be completed. think the attitude portion in me is acting again. really hope everything will be fine..

By the way, happy birthday to Samuel!

累了...

Well, i think i'm kinda busy todae. First is my mother's mahjong kaki calling at around 9am+ to ask her to go "pak" mahjong at my grandma's house. Then, as usual my mom came into my room and interrupt my beauty sleep just to tell me that she's going to my grandma's house and whether i'm going or not. obviously, my answer is no because it's my sleeping hour mother! then, my devilish cousin sms me asking me the same question and after much sms sessions i managed to persuade her to come to my house and rot. hehe..

by then, really got no mood to continue to sleep so dragged myself outta bed at about 1030am. the first thing that comes to my mind when i drew the curtains is "sun, yes. why don't you come out shinning when i went swimming? duhz.." haha, think i'm complaining too much about the funny weather that my mom simply ignores me. well done, mother.

after my cousin came, really was getting bored and i have no idea how the topic goes to Giordano having warehouse sale at singapore warehouse. so, we decided to go but before that is to find out where the hell is singapore warehouse. due my incapability in reading the map well we just found out what bus to take and simply ignored how the hell are we gonna walk from the bus stop. -_-" so ended up calling shu to give me directions over the phone. he is also one direction idiot but still manage to find the place within 15 minutes. anyway, really have to thank him for the directions otherwise i might ended up asking the foreign workers for directions which i think is a super duper stupid move. haha..

just as expected, the sale isn't something that really amaze me and makes me buy a lot of things. however, there's something which i really got to see: the kiasu-ness in singaporeans. ain't really amaze at first because i thought i've seen enough of this kind of stupid acts but it doesn't seem so. aunties grabbing all available sizes and designs regardless of whether their child could fit in or not and left the others with nothing much except those left in the trolleys. they will take their own sweet time to choose although they already had 3 full baskets of clothes. gosh.. the super ugly side of singaporeans. aniway bought 2 tees @ $5 each, quite a nice bargain for Giordano clothes. bought this "winnie the pooh & piglet" file @ $1 from bedok pasar malam, haha.. u ppl must be thinking that so old liao still buy this kind of file rite? hehe.. mind still growing mah so the childish part is still in me.

i need self-discipline..

been hitting the backspace key whilst trying to put whatever i feel now in words. really don't know how to put everything in a nicer picture or at least something i can easily retrieve and understood. discipline problem, maybe that is the 2 words. really can't add more explanation as i really have no idea on how to elaborate on those 2 words. it's just so hard.

anyway, really looking forward going back to school because i'm terribly broke. being in school means lesser expenses and which in turn means i don't have to worry that much on my monetary status. maybe i really spent too much during this holidays and x'mas is coming! gosh... just shoot me!

i truly don't know what else to write here because i'm just writing for the sake of writing, not much interesting stuff happened this few days so the updates would most prob be the same. pardon me for the writer's block.

haiz

Went to my cousin's wedding on saturday, saw quite a number of my cousins. Can't really say it's very fun or exciting because i feel that it's kinda dull maybe due to my lack of sleep. Got an ang bao from my cousin to signifies that she's "officially" an adult and she has to give out red packets in the coming year.

Went to ktv with the 2 "ting-s". Behaving like mad women in the room and rushing through the songs as if we got too many songs to sing, well actually i think we have a lot of songs to sing. Haha.. Went to jalan jalan at orchard area hoping to find one bag that could attracts my attention but just can't seemed to find one. But not bad for the day as i bought another pair of shoes from Xodus. Saw this new shoe shop in Far East Plaza where they sell quite nice heels and most importantly the heels aren't too high for people like me. I have to admit that i'm a loser when it comes to heels. i don't detest those kind of shoes but it's the height that makes me dislike wearing heels. the most funny part is singapore sells exceptionally high heels, what's wrong man! every heels hunting session seems like an eternity reason being i can't stand the height the heels are carrying. maybe the person who invented heels should let the guys wear it in the beginning instead of the ladies. it's real torture wearing such high heels. the small "ting" gave me a clinique facial soap as my bdae present and that soap is quite good, think the price looks good too. haha..

末日之恋

末日之恋

剩下没多少时间 让我再唱一首歌 给你 一过了今夜 世界就毁灭
我想我还有一天 可以学会如何来 爱你 在来不及以前 渴望来得及

闭上眼睛 忍住泪 别哭泣 末日前夕 请留在 我怀里
看 太阳暗去 月光失明 我只想牵你的指尖 绕地球最后一圈

黑夜降临 别害怕 我爱你 末日前夕 请留在 我怀里
我 在这世界最眷恋的事情 就是曾拥抱你 (多想永远拥抱你)

感受到什么在剧烈颤抖 是天空或者你的手
别让任何事情打断我看着你 最后一次看着你


当你知道世界末日即将降临，你会想和谁度过剩下的日子？
家人？朋友？一个你想一起度过一生的人？还是一个你从未表白过的神秘情人？
你会为谁而打开那道从未打开过的门呢？

你会像歌词里所说的那样吗？
陪着你深爱的人和他/她一直到世界毁灭前的最后一秒吗？
你会把对方深拥在怀里直到世界成为历史的那一刻吗？
还是你会用你最后的一口气来爱对方直到你心跳停止无法呼吸为止？
或者你会狠下心把对方抛下，因为害怕见到对方伤心流泪？

无论是用设么方法来爱对方，只要对方能感受到你的爱和关心，什么都无所谓了。
周围的人，事与物都是多余的。
没什么比对方的一句“我爱你”来的重要。

珍惜眼前人，别等到快要失去的那一刹那才晓得他/她是属于你的。

Downloaded “末日之恋” and suddenly some thoughts just came to me and wrote it down here. If you ask me whether i can translate it to english for you, i will say "No Way!" haha.. kinda difficult for me to do translating, well those who are interested to do translation can translate it and send it to me i'll poste it here. Haha...

it's been a long long time eversince i wrote something like that, maybe i really don't have time to do that. used to write something like those above in the middle of the night. a very good time to write things because the world seems to maintain silence just for you. missed those days, doubt i can do the same thing for the next few months.

Olinda is out of SG Idol, kinda sad because she's a good singer. however, so are taufik and sylvester. i prefer sylvester to be in the chinese market instead of the english market because he can sing better in chinese and with his jay chou look alike face, the taiwanese market will luv him. Hehe..

Terrible dae..

Finally got my running shoes yesterday. It is consider quite a good offer as i doubt i can find nike running shoes @ $65 in any other stores. Spent money on a number of items and really can feel the hole in my pocket. However, thanks to my dearly mother who decided to pay for my running shoes and i really save a sum of money.

Was suppose to go running in the morning but i overslept, haha... Unable to fall asleep yesterday night because there's too many things in my brain and i just can't unload them. Time really is running out for the fyp and kinda vexed over the progress of the group. If the progress is compared with other groups we might be on par with them, however judging from the number of functions to be created i think we really have to do sprinting. Maybe i'm thinking too much but i'm really afraid that the group can't meet the deadline with very beautiful results if we do not speed up for our progress.

My right eye is kinda swollen today and it hurts a little, hopefully tomorrow everything will be back to normal and i can wear my contact lens "successfully". Looking forward to the wedding dinner this saturday because this is one day whereby i need not use my brain and all i do is smile & be a statue for the whole day. Hehe..

Haiz..

Kinda pissed yesterday because of a sudden news. Something which i really do not wish to hear, this kind of things are really driving me nuts. Can i say it's irresponsible for that person to inform us at the last minute? I don't know, but i really feel it is so. I did try to gather everyone and confirm the meeting days before i make any decisions, all that person did is keep playing with other people's hair. Argh! Even if it's a not confirm date, inform everyone at least we can have a backup plan. Throwing the bomb to me when everything is settled and YOU expect me to make changes just for your sake? YOU think just by 3 hours everything can be settled? How naive you are. How selfish you are, wanting people to change their appointments and dates for your sake? Don't make me hate you, really don't force me to do so. I've tried to control my temper so that the atmosphere in the group is good and we can work cohesively. I know how bad my temper can be and that is why i'm trying all i can to curb my feelings. I know i'm also not really doing my work that well for the group, i reflect on myself and i try to think for the group. If you think the project is not important to you and you prefer to do your things, fine do all you want. I think all of us reserves the right to remove you from the group.

Why am i saying all this here instead of to you? Because i want everything to be good in the group and what i've written above are my frustrations and unhappiness towards your actions. Some all them may not sound that good, that is precisely why i wrote it here instead of saying it to you. I'm not pointing my finger at you but at your behaviour, i have nothing against you as a person and I do not care about your personal life neither do i want to tolerate your nonsense. There are things in my life which i truly detest and being irresponsible is one of them, really hope that you realize the importance of the trust being placed on you.

Sometimes i wonder whether am i such a difficult person to work with? Maybe those who work with me before can tell me. Perhaps being a perfectionist is not that perfect afterall.

Another FYP dae..

Had this meeting with my FYP supervisor in the afternoon, can i say the results are not very encouraging? I don't know, somehow i just feel that way. So many things to be done and everyone seems to be so busy. Gosh, how i wish i could freeze the time so that i can stop worrying for just 24hrs and get back my lost sleeping hours. I really need to get myself to start planning otherwise i think i'll be in deep trouble when the last semester starts. Have to get my track shoes real soon and train for NAFA, can't afford to get only a participated without any medals. I know i'll hate myself for not training and i don't want to spend time hating.

Yeah!! Daphne is finally out of SG Idol! How i pray for her to be out every week and finally my prayers are answered. She should be out way long ago, just don't know why singaporeans kept her in the competition for so long. By the way, i'm not a christian. *Bleh*

Tired..

Today met the group at 9am to continue our unfinish business for the final report. However, there were darlings who cannot wake up on time and they were spared as we had problems logging into the school computers. Informed the technician about the problem and he said he will have to restart the whole network as there's some problems with it. So Xris and Jiawen decided to go for breakfast and try logging in later. We spent about an hour at biz park and the network is still down, therefore we decided to go to Mindy's house to discuss the project.

Mindy got a super adorable dog who looks like Einstein (Jiawen and Sam say she looks like MJ coz she's black & white), who cares whatever she looks like and she's super freaking hyperactive. She surely can fight with Louis' dog, Fifi. Hehe..

Spend few hours at Mindy's place but we aren't really doing our work because we got kinda stuck at a certain point. Spent time looking at Mindy and mom's photos, talking about weird dreams like my lost Ferrari and lesbians plus french kisses. Haha, can't reveal much on the last topic because it's kinda sensitive to talk openly here. Whichever the case, we spent more time talking then doing work. Left with no choice but to assign work to everyone because we are knida laid back now.

Felt kinda irritated after the meeting probably because I'm very exhausted especially having insufficient sleep since 2 days before my SAT paper. Been trying to rest more but I just can't find the time to. Went to bought clothes for the wedding dinner on the 20th, really was so tired that I can't be bothered to tell my mom that I had not ate lunch yet. Really was so can't be bothered to talk to anyone and sooo brain dead.

Happy 19th Bdae to me..

Happy 19th Bdae to me!

Had a really bad start for the eve of my birthday. The SAT is really a killer and I can foresee the results. Now I really know why I'm in poly, it's not because I flunk my history but it's because I can't stand doing the same thing for a very long period of time. I didn't see any motivation when I was in secondary school, everything is spoonfed to me. What I do is I just shut my mouth up and listen to the teachers trying to explain whatever is in the textbook. I'm never a theory person, words confuse me and give me headache. That's why I love playing with numbers like accounting or statistics. Because there's a sense of satisfaction when I managed to balance a P&L statement or solve a maths question. Secondary school life for me really is spending 4 years with minimal motivation.

Realized that I didn't do anything for the fyp meeting or to plan any, felt quite bad because I think time is running out and I'm slacking around. Suddenly, I feel so busy and can feel pressure knocking on my door. Bad sign.. Haiz.. What to do..

Am so tired now as I had only 5 hours of sleep for the past 2 days. but my barin is full of my FYP. Thinking about this, thinking about that. Hopefully I'll get a mental block when I go to bed, so that I can sleep peacefully.

SAT countdown 5days..

This week is the week for counting down to my SAT test date, not much fun because I'm feeling tha pressure as day goes by. The questions are giving me a super duper big headache, maybe it's due to the holidays that my attention span is getting shorter and shorter. And that is not good! Trying to practise more so that I can get the points I wanted, still kinda far from my expectations but I guess I have to touch that line by hook or by crook because I not going to spend near to 100 bucks for the 3 hours torture. Yes, it is a huge torture for me especially on the language part. Sometimes I really wish that the paper is based on Chinese but IMPOSSIBLE. However, I'm still glad that I took A maths before as this makes things a lot more easier.

Another cousin of mine is getting married on the 20th this month. Sometimes, I'm glad that I grew up in a big family because it's much joyful when the place is packed with people. But sometimes I couldn't recognise which one is my cousins or my nieces or nephews because there's too many people in the family. Whether it's my mom's side or my dad's side, I still get confuse over the identities. But it's quite different when I'm with the relatives from my dad's side as compared to my mom's, reason being that I'm one of the youngest child on my dad's side and I'm in the middle range on my mom's side. Complicating yeah? However, I'm more familar with the relatives on my mom's side and there's also a do re mi fa group meant for my brother, cousins and me. Why do re me fa? Because the four of us are born is consecutive years starting from 1982 to 1985.

Missed the swimming and tanning days, but the raining season is here. *Sadz* My mom says I'm getting fairer, don't know whether it's good or bad. Talking about my mom, I think I know why I can get so lame because I got it from my mom. Mommy, don't be so lame and "cold" it's cold enough!